Jedds Of The World (Part 1) - jedd.com

Real shoddy narrating

2013-01-12    »   jedds, rant

Every now and then (writing exclusively in the future context here) I like to do a quick e-glance around the interwebs for my namesakes.

It’s an uncommon first name, and in most cases seems to be a conscious corruption or shortening of some other given name. I’d like to think, presumptuously I concede, that people who select this name therefore have a certain level of .. something or other. Obviously this isn’t the case. Most people, as you’ve probably noticed, are idiots regardless of appellation.

Anyway, more out of idle curiosity today about domain names I checked out jedd.com, and was treated to a regretfully modest insight into the life and thoughts (and teeny tiny photos) of one Jedd Perry.

It seems Jedd Perry works for Microsoft – in and of itself, this provides an abundance of insight.

Almost as worrying is the fact the site was seemingly created on a Mac, using something called iWeb. It sounds horrendous. I would have expected Microsoft to have rules about this kind of thing.

Or perhaps he just used to work at Microsoft – the page seems to have not received much in the way of love over the years.

There’s lots of references on the Projects page to pending changes and updates, of the ‘More to come’, and ‘Will be posted in the near future’ ilk. No dates are present on these promises (in fact there are no links at all on the Projects page) so it’s anyone’s guess.

Perhaps it is still (or indeed is yet to be) the near future.


However it’s the About Me page that provides the best reading. Here we are provided an array of insights about the man that is Jedd Perry.

We learn that his “_Favourite subjects_” are:

Almost anything

Not very enlightening, other than revealing he doesn’t really understand the meaning of the word ‘favourite’.

It also makes you suspect that he is intentionally trolling literate visitors by juxtaposing the use of the plural there with the adjacent claim that his “_Favourite vacation spot_” (note singular) is:

Italy & Alaska

We also found out that his favourite camera is a Nikon D300, which speaks volumes as well, but judging from the site I assume his camera is out for repair, as all the images here are about 80px wide.


Then we’re given the opportunity to really get to know Jedd — his hopes and aspirations, his philosophy on life, his attitude towards his fellow man, and such like, in a wee little autobiographical blurb.

In here, and it’s not all breathtakingly cringe-worthy, we are advised that:

What I hate are lazy people who don’t invest in themselves but instead try to pull money away from my family to fund themselves.

Remember, this guy works for Microsoft.

Unfortunately he doesn’t fully investigate his feelings on the potential paradoxes of people who are too lazy to put much effort into pulling money away from his family to fund themselves, and/or whether he believes that people that put lots of effort into that could still be labelled lazy.

If you are the type of person who believe’s [sic] socialism is the answer than [sic] feel free to give up your freedom and be prepared to hold back the driven, gifted and the successful people of the world while promoting mediocrity.

Okay, perhaps a little bit breathtaking.

One’s left to assume that Jedd’s a driven, gifted and successful people.

He continues, warming to his theme:

Innovation will slow and this great nation, which was architected to provide an opportunity to all (not charity to all) and the ability of any man or women to achieve their best.

Worth noting that the identity of the Great Nation is never explicitly revealed – it’s left to the reader to assume he’s talking about the USA.

Bless.

As an aside, I’m not entirely sure how to parse that last sentence, but I’m trying not to be too nit-picky. Really I am.

We return to a subject that is evidently of great interest to our guide:

Socialism is for the weak & lazy and frankly those who don’t understand the human nature. If this is you watch out because I’m not going to role [sic] over and let you destroy the greatest nation nor enslave my children with senseless debt.

A surreptitious upgrade from Great to Greatest was snuck in there.

Alas, what is good timing for me is bad timing for him — these past few weeks have seen a string of fascinating reports published on various Great Attributes of the Greatest Nation.

Patriotism is a bizarre cultural throwback, and it’s a trait that always makes me nervous, not least because it seems to present most strongly in the weakest minds. When it’s combined with wanton ignorance of reality it most assuredly deserves being mercilessly mocked.

In case you didn’t pick up on the subtle sentiment expressed earlier we are reminded, in closing, that:

Socialism is the disease and needs to be eradicated.

It’s at odds with reality, but, like, hey now!

Socialism — the quiet killer of Americans. Who knew?


Finally we are delighted to learn that Jedd Perry’s Personal Motto is:

“Never give up”

Poignant, given that the site appears to be abandoned.

But that’s probably the fault of socialists. No wonder no one likes the fucking socialists.